Wanting to fast forward but I’m stuck in slow motion…
Have you ever seen the movie Click, with Adam Sandler in it.. well if you haven’t he has this special remote that controls not only the TV and radio, but life. If he had a cold, he could fast forward until he was better. If he was fighting with his wife he would say fast forward until we are not fighting. When he was sick of his job, he would say fast forward until I get my promotion... sounds great but then he ended up missing his whole life, because one time it took him 10 years to get his next promotion, so he missed 10 years of his life. He missed a lot in those 10 years; he even ended up falling out of love with his wife and getting a divorce and not realizing it. This has a lot to do with my life right now and the season that I’m in. It’s a difficult and confusing one to say the least. I find my self reaching for the fast forward button all the time. I know what’s in the future, God has told me and shown me, I know that I will be an overseas missionary, I know that I will not only love on the poor but live among the poor.
My friends once gave me a great visually on life, its like life is a big story book, with those fun old antique looking ruffled pages, and some stick out farther than the other, so our first instinct is too look at that longer page sticking out, but if we just read that page of the story, that’s in the middle of the book, we aren’t going to get the story! We missed all the pages in-between. When you reading a book you just don’t skip 3 or 4 chapters, it won’t make sense then. And That’s my life right now, I can’t skip ahead, even if I know what’s going to come, if I don’t go through the pages in-between then it won’t make sense. If my future is Africa and overseas then I need to figure out what is in the middle of here and there.
God has been good though, he has shown me some of those pages, I have doubted why I’m working 2 jobs and not just hanging out with the homeless like it was my job. He confirmed me having the job I do, because I am seeing my coworkers either start walking with God for the first time or rededicate their lives to him!! Ah which is just incredible, Praise God! All praise goes to Him. In this I have found peace because I know God is using me here and God is here just as much as he is overseas! So often I want to fast forward, but if I would have come home from India and then got on a plane right away to Africa I would have missed this chapter and people might not be walking with the Lord today like they are. J Right now I’m stuck in slow motion, and how I wish I could say fast forward me to the overseas mission field, but what would I miss? And Who would I miss?
God, grant me the serenityto accept the things I cannot change;the courage to change the things I can;and the wisdom to know the difference
Sunday, December 14, 2008
This is an emergancy
Thanksgiving was a hard day for me.. because as much as i love my family, they did everything that i wouldn't do :) I think its nice that everyone gets together as family and friends and celebrates all the things they are thankful for. But i don't agree with the hundreds of dollars that are spent on food, and people intentionally over eating when there are millions of people starving to death.. hundreds in your city alone. Yesterday i had to honor my parents as they asked me to stay home and share dinner with them and the 20 other people we had at our house!.. Which was still ok because I got to pray for people :) always fun. But my heart wasn't in indulging myself with all this food my heart was to be on the streets with people who didn't even know it was Thanksgiving day, because really what i'm thankful for is that God has opened my eyes to a different World. My eyes no longer just see a thanksgiving feast and think oh yummy, i see that feast and think about the homeless who would love to have a nice warm feast like this. Sometimes its hard to have this mind set because people don't always agree with you, like yesterday my own family didn't even agree with me. But Jesus said, wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.. So everything is fine, I’m just taking the Road less Traveled :) which is exactly the road I want to be on.So yesterday as we were wrapping up all the TONS of left overs, we put some in a bag and took them over to some homeless people by my Dad’s shop. We got out of the car and they came running up to us, it was 5pm and by now they were all drunk and couldn't walk right, and they didn’t speak much English, so it was interesting. : ) but we handed them the bag and they got all excited... i got like 5 hugs and a couple of kisses from my new Mexican friends hahaha. As we were pulling out, one guy came running towards us rubbing his arms like he was cold and then pretending to put on a jacket, so we could obviously tell that he was cold and asking for a sweater. Florida is a beautiful and warm most of the time but this winter looks like its going to be a cold long winter as its already in the 40's most nights. I didn't even think about bringing lots a blankets, thankfully we had one in our car. We handed him a nice bright pink blanket, he was so happy and put it over his shoulders right away, with the biggest smile on his face! However going to sleep last night was heartbreaking. As I laid there, and I was cold.. but I had so many layers on and i had a big comfy blanket, but I was still cold. I laid there with the picture of this man in my mind, walking away from my car with a little pink blanket, and I thought about if that would keep him warm enough. The vision wouldn't stop, but it just kept playing over and over in my head, and then that vision went into other pictures, as I laid in my bed crying myself to sleep thinking I could have done more..I want to do more, I will do more.
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